AMY
Dad! What was that?
What the hell was that?
You turned Mom’s funeral
Into some kind of weird joke
Is your brain broke?
BEN
Umm... no?
UNCLE/AUNT
What was that?
What the hell was that?
UNCLE
He turned my sister’s eulogy
Into some kind of sick show
We gotta go--
AUNT
Shh-- he’s grieving
UNCLE
No. We’re leaving.
AUNT
Ben! That was a... really... beautiful tribute.
UNCLE
No. It was sick!
BEN
I know, it was inappropriate. I guess I’m...
Just a "widow" upset
Sorry, that just came out!
‘Cuz I’m a "widow" upset?
UNCLE
You’ve gone too far
BEN
This is just how I get
AUNT
Something’s wrong
BEN
When I’m a "widow" upset
UNCLE
I’ll go get the car
BEN
Wait, I thought that you would come to the reception
And now I’m feeling recep-"shunned"--
I didn’t mean to do that!
I’m just a "widow" upset!
AMY
Now what was that?
What the fuck was that?
BEN
Language!
I honestly didn’t mean
To offend your mother’s brother
AMY
With awful jokes one after another?
BEN
They aren’t awful jokes
They’re awful puns
And your Mom would’ve thought that they were awful-ly good
Sorry, I’ll stop.
I’m... just a "widow" upset
Maybe I can’t stop!
‘Cuz I’m a "widow" upset
AMY
Does this need to be said?
That a funeral is not the right time or place
To list 50 different kinds of bread
I’m afraid of what you will say next
And how’d you make those slides? You can’t even text!
BEN
I’m just a "widow" upset
BOSS
Hey Ben, sorry for your loss
BEN
Thank you, Boss
BOSS
Take as long as you need
To come back to the office
BEN
I’ll come back to the “Microsoft” Office
With a new “Outlook”
So I can “Excel”
“Word.”
BOSS
Good God. Forget it, don’t ever come back.
BEN
No need to get “Clippy!” The paper clip, remember?? I just lost my job.
AMY
Yeah! So you acknowledge these jokes are inappropriate?
BEN
I... "egg"-knowlege these "yolks"
AMY
Oh come on!
BEN
Are inappropriate.
AMY
Thank you.
BEN
But also...
"Egg"-cellent
And should’ve gone "over-easy"
At this "shell"-e-bratory event
Ev’ry "yolk" I’d hatch your mom’d get
So "ome-lette" myself get
Just a "widow" upset
AMY
You have a problem
BEN
I "egg" to differ
AMY
You need therapy
BEN
I dis-"egg"-gree
AMY
You’re exhausting
BEN
"Egg"-xhausting
AMY
STOP SAYING EGG!
BEN
"Egg"-kay. I mean-- O. Kay. I’ll come to therapy.
