STEVE
"Boots-and-cats-and-boots-and-cats, boots-and-cats-and-boots-
and-cats..."
DALE
People don’t appreciate
We’re surrounded by puns every day
From the names of your entrees:
PUNSTERS
“Moons Over My Hammy!”
DALE
To the names of yachts:
STEVE
“The Codfather”
ALESSIO
“Breaking Bass”
JAN
“Bass 2 Mouth”
DALE
Plus we’ve heard there’s lots
Of examples in rap
DALE/JAN
We would give those examples
If we knew about rap
DALE/STEVE/JAN
But we do know about the New York Post
And their bomb-ass headlines:
PUNSTERS
“Trump Slips on Ban Appeal”
“Obama Beats Weiner”
You have got to cast aside
Those who deride
The you inside
Your pun pride
Your pun pride
You gotta have
Pun pride
Pun pride (2x)
STEVE
People don’t appreciate
The amount of famous people who punned:
Like that English playwright
Who wrote more puns than you could
"Shake-a-spear" at
Mercutio’s dying words were:
“Ask for me tomorrow and you’ll find me a 'grave' man”
Oooh, spooky pun...
JAN
Then there’s a Jewish carpenter
You might have heard of
What was his name?
Oh yeah: JESUS.
His puns were so reliable
And if you don’t find all that "wholly buyable"
JAN/STEVE
He said, “You may be fisherman now
But I’m gonna make ya
Fishers-OF-men”
Yes, that’s hilarious!
PUNSTERS
You have got to cast aside
Those who deride
The you inside
Your pun pride
Your pun pride
JAN
All hail the "Pun" of God!
DALE
Not everyone is built like this
You can dance with language in your mind
BEN
I’ve got a gift I can’t dismiss
I’m like Jesus and Shakespeare combined
DALE/BEN
Juggling both sound and meaning
Connecting worlds so disparate
Be proud and loud, don’t whisper it
The world is exploding
From those who divide us
But take that detritus
And unite us
BEN
People don’t appreciate
The hate we get every day
To pun in public is highly dangerous
JODY
Yesterday I got straight up slapped
ALESSIO
And I got fired
JAN
My husband left
BEN
My daughter hates my guts
PUNSTERS
You gotta fight the homophone-a-phobia
Don’t you cause it
Come out of your pun closet--
DALE
--Before going back inside when the weekend’s over, of course.
PUNSTERS
You have got to cast aside
Those who deride
The you inside
Your pun pride
Your pun pride
You gotta have pun pride
Pun pride
Pun pride
I’m repeatedly punched by strangers
But I’ll never change who I am
I’m repeatedly punched by strangers
But I’ll never change, please punch me again, good ma’am
Sitting alone at lunches
But I say bring on the punches
Bring on the punches (2x)
