BEN
Hi, I’m Ben
Meg is my wife
Thank you for coming to this
Quote-unquote “Celebration of Life”
Whatever that means
Celebrate what?
This just sucks my--
Sorry.
Start again:
Hi, I’m Ben
Meg is my wife
Yes: "IS"
I won’t say "was"
Meeting Meg is one of my life’s greatest events
Plus she hates camping, she wouldn't wanna go "past tents."
I was just trying to make a--
Sorry.
Start again:
Though, in my defense:
You can’t spell “funeral” without “fun”
And if Megs were here, she would’ve pardoned that pun
The perfect girl I wed
Not a bad word about her could be said
She was the greatest thing...
Since "sliced dead"
Hey, this is how she would want to be remembered
And I said “sliced dead” because she was dismembered
...By a bread truck.
And that’s why it’s funny
That I said, “Rye, God, Rye!”
"Bake" me instead!
You woulda liked that.
I miss you.
They say, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket”
Well, now all my "Megs’" in one "casket."
I miss you.
Eggs make French toast
So it works with the bread theme
Let’s keep going. This is working. This is a good idea.
I miss you.
We’d stay up past our "bread"-time
Hour after hour
I’d say, "'Bread'-y or not, here I 'crumb'”
And bring her a "flour"
She was the "toast" of the town
Wouldn’t let nothing "grain"-d her down
"Ciabatta" believe it
Yes, you "butter" believe it
She was second to "naan"
"Baguette" about it
She never "kneaded" "dough"
She knew how to "pump-her-nickel"
She didn’t stick to gender "rolls"
Smash the "pastry"-archy
Smash the "pastry"-archy
That’s a good one.
I know these jokes are "crumby" and "stale"
She deserves "butter" than "challah" these stupid puns
This "scone"’t go on much longer
But I "do-nut" wanna stop
‘Cause it’s the "yeast" I can do
To show how I "loaf" her
And you can’t spell “funeral” without “fun”
If Megs were here, this is what she’d want done
And I miss you,
"Honey bun."
Rest in "pieces."
