ALL
We say the
Right thing at the right time
‘Cuz in life most times we won’t
But here we say the say the
Right thing at the right time
Well, until we don’t

But it’s thrilling in the meantime
To actually prevail
And say the right thing at the right time
‘Cuz in life you’ll, without fail, fail

ALESSIO
I can be who I choose
When the topic is “Shoes”
This place "heels" my "sole"

JAN
I can forget my divorces
When the topic is “Horses”
Then my heart feels "foal"

ALESSIO/JAN
We said the right thing at the right time

ROSY
Dale and Jody, your topic is: “Musical Instruments!”

DALE
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar, I said, “Is that a 'fret?'”

MINION
NO WAY!! YEAH!

JODY
Don’t mean to toot my horn.

ROSY
That’s not a pun, that’s just a saying.

JODY
I’m high strung?

ROSY
That’s a saying.

JODY
It’s drumming in my head?

ROSY
Well, at least that’s not a saying--

DALE
You haven’t lost yet, "ba’ssoon" you will.

MINION
NO WAY SHE JUST SAID THAT. SICK BURN!!

JODY
Looking at you in that outfit makes me "horny." Did I do it again?

ROSY
Well, that’s creepy, but yes, that is a pun.

JODY
Oh damn, school’s in session!

DALE
This guy’s in "treble." Need help? ‘Cuz "Xylophone" a friend
for ya. Or did you need a do-over? "Didja? Re-do?"
Didgeridoo.

I said the right thing at the right time
With each perfect pun that I found
So I’ll move on to the next round!

DALE/JAN/ALESSIO
We said the right thing at the right time...

BEN
When the topic is “Trees”
I "elm" to please
I feel so alive!
People laugh at my "oaks"
If not all of my "oaks"
At least "forest" out of five
This pun place is the one place
I’m "poplar!"

BRAD GUY
I can’t relate to these hacks at all
I always say the right thing
And watch foes fall
I could pun in my sleep
It’s where I do most my training
I could pun when it’s raining
It’s not even draining

BEN
I guess it’s just you and I remaining

ALL
At the Pun-Off!