BEN
Avoid the ugly cry
‘Cuz no one likes a guy
With an ugly cry
AMY
Dad, I’m concerned
BEN
Nah, 'cuz over life I’ve learned
Avoid the ugly cry
At all costs
‘Cuz that’s a hollow cost
AMY
What?
BEN
Meaning not worth much
What’d you think I said?
AMY
Holocaust.
BEN
That's funny!
A word heard is different than read
Like a pun!
AMY
Dad, this is some toxic masculinity
Plus, you gotta face it, Mom’s gone for, like, infinity
BEN
Hey, don’t you say that!
AMY
Why not say that?
BOTH
Because it’s true!
BEN
Just stay aloof
Then magically, poof!
Wave that bad bye-bye
Who’s got two thumbs
And is emotionally numb?
This dry-eye guy
If you see a tear
Somehow appear
It’s just something in my eye
Or perhaps a stye
AMY
Give it a try
BEN
Cuz I’m a happy guy
AMY
That is a lie
BEN/AMY
Who does not ugly cry/Cry!
BOTH
All that sad don’t carry it
BEN
Yeah! Take that bad and bury it
AMY
No!
BEN
Deep deep down,
Under ground
Ain’t that clever?
See ya never!
You can’t mourn forever!
AMY
But you haven’t mourned at all!
BEN
Well, I’m not a "mourning" person.
Avoid the ugly cry
‘Cuz if I start I
Might never stop
So I won’t start
I’m closing off that heart
BEN/AMY
Doesn't that seem smart?/That does not seem smart!
What am I supposed to feel this sad?/You're supposed to feel this sad!
BEN
No thank you! That’d hurt way too bad
Stuff that frown down deep inside
It’s almost like she never died!
Who is “she?” Who am I referring to?
Who could that be? I don’t know!
Moving on with my "wife"--
Wait.
Moving "Mom" with my life--
Wait.
"Mom"-ving "Mom" "wife" my "wife"--
Stop!
I'm gonna take those feelings
Tamp ‘em down
With a tamp
Tamp tamp tamp tamp tamp tamp tamp
Tamp ‘em down, never to be found
With a tamp
Tamp tamp tamp tamp tamp tamp tamp
I'll do a "tamp" dance!
I'll win the "tamp"-ionship
And be a "tamp" champ
Turn down the "tamp"-erature
And get a "tamp" stamp
C’mon, get your tamp on!
Oh wait-- No, don’t "get a tampon." Again with words and their crazy double meanings!
BEN/AMY
I’m fine fine fine fine fine
I’m fine fine fine fine fine/Not fine, not fine, not fine!
I’m fine fine fine fine fine
I’m fine fine fine fine fine/Not fine, not fine, not fine!
BEN
Obviously fine!
AMY
No way!
BEN
Totally doing fine!
AMY
Nuh-uh!
BEN
Clearly super fine!
AMY
No, you’re not!
BEN
That’s why I said it twenty times
Like someone who is obviously doing fine!
Oh yeah!
